Sadly he passed away....
I cannot express how devastated me and my family are...
I was going to stop blogging for a couple weeks or so while the grieving process begins...
But I figured that this would be a good distraction and I also kept in mind that Uncle Ray loved my blog....
And would also chat with me about my latest post...
Recently, I had my whole blog printed out and bound like a book and Uncle Ray sat at the kitchen table and went through the entire thing page by page....
So I don't know if Uncle Ray can read my blogs in heaven but if he can I don't want to have stopped since he enjoyed them so much....
I started this blog yesterday but it was to difficult going through the pictures that I was going to post....
I would like to talk about my Uncle Ray so someday when my kids are older and are reading through their blog books they will have all of the recent pictures of him and some words as I try and capture the amazing essence of such a wonderful man....
Growing up my Father wasn't around and for that I had a empty place in my heart...
But Uncle Ray did not allow me to miss out on not one ounce of love....
He wasn't my Father and even had a wonderful Daughter of his own, however he always made me feel the love that a Father has with his Daughter...
And in doing so I was blessed with feeling that I had a Sister in his Daughter my amazing cousin Amanda....
I have so many wonderful memories growing up with Uncle Ray...
He was the one who took off my training wheels and taught me how to ride a bike like a big girl...
He was the one who took such good care of me when I had the chicken pox...
Lifting me up on the bathroom counter, cotton ball in hand, dabbing each and every itchy spot with lotion....
He was the one who taught me right from wrong and really showed me what respect was....
I remember as a kid, disappointing Uncle Ray was the worst punishment a little girls heart could ever feel....
Uncle Ray was at all of my horse showes, supporting me and also so worried for me getting hurt...
I remember as a little girl (and a big girl) Uncle Ray also had enough room in his lounge chair for me to fit right in next to him....
I can still remember what it felt like to squeeze in and lay my head over on his chest...
I remember Uncle Ray raising rabbits and sometimes he would let Amanda and I sneak them in the house, Uncle Ray allowing us to do something that wasn't normally o.k was so extra special...
Uncle Ray was so amazing with us kids....
He always had time and so much patience to play with us...
Amanda and I would always do his hair complete with bows and blonde curly extensions...
I remember him sitting in the backyard with us for hours watching us play and run through the sprinklers...
I can still hear his voice echoing in my head saying "Don't run on the patio"....
Uncle Ray was the best bubble blower....
And he taught me how to whistle....
I remember spending countless hours with him out in the garage while he organized it for the umpteenth time or was working on a car....
I remember him closing a paint can and a hanging sledge hammer fell on my foot....
I remember the pain, but most clearly I remember the tears in Uncle Ray's eyes because he felt so bad....
He taught me how to change my oil, how to change a tire...
And he was always the one I called when I was stranded on the side of the road with a broken car and he was always the one who came to my rescue...
I remember as a teenager going out to the garage with him and he would always discuss what was going on in my life and always gave me the best advice....
What I remember most is that he was the only person who could tell me "Everything is going to be ok Squirt"...
And this was the only person I actually believed...
I remember his hugs and kisses how his arms were always the ones that I found comfort in...
I was so fortunate to have a little girl at a young age and watch the strong bond that was formed between Grace and him....
I was able to relive so many of my fond memories as a little girl with Uncle Ray through Grace....
I can still see little Grace sitting on his lap riding the riding lawn mower just as I use to....
Uncle Ray was so special that when Todd and I had our first Son we named him after Uncle Ray....
I remember trying so hard to keep this a secret....
And I will never forget Uncle Ray's eyes as I placed 3 day old Rowan in his arms and told him his name....
Rowan Raymond Thomas Manning....
I was so proud....
I will miss him so much....
I've never felt my heart ache this much....
I have never missed someone so much....
I have never cried this much....
I know he is watching down from above and I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful times we had....
A few days before he went into the hospital we were alone in his living room and he was holding Rowan....
He told me how proud he was of me, what I've overcome, and the person and mother that I've become....
Hearing those words were priceless....
For making Uncle Ray proud has always been my biggest reward in life....
I know it's selfish, but I'm so sad for the times we won't have....
Uncle Ray constantly talked about the real "Tonka Trucks" he had out in the garage for Rowan...
And my mind wanders to the future when Uncle Ray gives those to a toddling little Rowan...
I think about my next pregnancy and not having Uncle Ray around to watch my belly grow and hold the little one that comes out breaks my heart....
No one calling me Squirt or Rowan George makes my heart break in two....
Setting my selfish desires aside I know that he is in a better place....
And I know that God needed him and he is now with his parents and so many loved one's that he has lost along the way...
But with all of the hurt and emptiness I feel I really just want to melt into one of his hugs and hear his voice telling me "Everything is going to be ok"....
I love you Uncle Ray...
You were the most special person in my life....
You will always be in my thoughts....
And I will continue to keep your memory alive in my children's life's...
Here are pictures I have from the past few Months...
Uncle Ray Kisses...
Me wearing Uncle Ray's Flannel and we're matching...
Uncle Ray meeting Rowan for the first time...
And here's the video of Uncle Ray meeting Rowan and learning of his whole name...
This video is priceless...
But I'm afraid I can't watch it just yet...
And this is the very last picture I have of Uncle Ray...
Took it with my camera phone the day before he went into the hospital...
I love you so much Uncle Ray...
I miss you more than words can express...
I hope this finds you smiling,
All my love,
Your Squirt xoxoxoxo
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